Click here to view - Deadly Attraction
The other night I watch a story on Dateline about a young woman that was killed in her own home (shot/stabbed several times) and the scene was set up to look like a burglary. The woman had a strong family connection, college graduate, good job and engaged to be married to a great guy and was pregnant. The question was – who would do such a thing to this woman? As the story unfolded, fingers pointed toward the “great guy’, things just didn’t seem right with him. While answering questions to the police, he was texting and calling people on the phone, just things out of character for someone that just lost his family. It was later revealed, that he had been talking to another woman that day while being interviewed. Now, this was a very intriguing story because now, not only are the police interested in the ‘great guy’ but now, who was this other woman…why would he have the nerve (after his fiancé and unborn child were just murdered) to be chatting it up with some woman on the phone. The police then traced this mystery woman and bring her in for questioning. While she’s there, she seems totally oblivious to what’s about to go down. She knew about the murder, and she also confessed that she had a ‘friendship’ with the ‘great guy’. During her interview, she took phone calls, stumbled over her words/story really bad…she confessed to having access to a gun (which was later discovered to be the murder weapon)…it just didn’t look good for her. She as well, had a wonderful and supportive family; she was a beauty queen, scholar, exposed to some great opportunities, she was involved in a sorority, and was a middle school teacher. She had everything going for her…until she met the “great guy”.
So my question is, why do we as women get so drawn and attracted to the bad boy type? Now, let me say for the record, the police didn’t determine that the ‘great guy’ in the story committed this crime, in fact, they did determine that the beauty queen committed the crime, but from a good girl perspective, how could she get so manipulated by this guy into believing that if he weren’t already involved with someone, that she could have a chance with him. This guy probably was not interested in true love, because real love requires consistent sacrifice and its not the character of a ‘bad boy’ type to sacrifice for someone, especially if it’s not convenient for him or if he doesn’t get something in return.
If the beauty queen did commit this crime, why did she do it?
She might say that ‘he had a swagger about him that made her feel like she’d be safe with him no matter what, he would take care of her’ or she might say, ‘there is just something about a tatted up dude who rocks a fitted, some semi-baggy jeans that is sexy to me’…or she may even say ‘she likes that he’s kinda rough around the edges.’ No matter what her reason (s) were for getting involved with this guy, the bottom line is that she knew better. She had way too much going for her to reduce herself to this type of emotional ruin.
Granted, good girls have and will always date bad boys. Television and music videos try to make you believe that it is acceptable for guys to disrespect females and reduce them to sex objects. Most women that find themselves hopelessly attracted to the ‘bad boy’ type believe that if the ‘ish was to ever hit the fan, be it emotionally or otherwise, he would be there for her. “When we walk, he puts me on the inside of the sidewalk.” Honey, this is all part of the pursuit; and when the thrill is over so is the relationship. This is what the good girl in the story found out.
The good girl hangs onto the relationship thinking her sacrifice will encourage him to respond to her needs. What the good girl doesn’t realize, is how her personal reputation was to be tarnished by her association with this man.
When you lower your standards and accept any assertive invitation from your bad boy type, you WILL find yourself doing most of the giving, while he ignores your needs, manipulates you and takes advantage of the situation. The ‘bad boy’ type is way more concerned with him then he will ever be in you. Bad boys purposely draw attention to themselves, and their popularity and playful personality can be very attractive. Just understand that he is too immature and preoccupied with himself to share genuine compassion, concern, or acceptance from you.
You may view your bad boy as a “project” or someone you can “fix”, but the fallacy of this belief is that it’s impossible to make a man improve his character. He may fake integrity over the short-term, but a man will only mature when he makes the decision to do so himself. Dating a guy with poor character, even if he pursues you, will still equal a poor relationship, his abusive behavior will ultimately destroy your self-esteem and drain the life out of you.
I know firsthand what it’s like to be captivated by a bad boy, there was a time when I wouldn’t even look at a guy unless he was a roughneck with a bad attitude and I learned – for the sake of ME – how to make better, healthier relationship choices.
But years of emotional roller coaster rides and being played for a fool made me wake up and smell the dysfunction. Nowadays, I am totally captivated by a really good man. He has never played me, he has been honest with me and he has been everything he said he would be and I happen to love my really good man.
The thing to remember is that you cannot spin gold from a pile of straw. If you see all the signs that you might have a bad boy, take a look at yourself. Remind yourself that you deserve to treated with respect and dignity, and that you are worth more than just some empty, broken promises. Most of all remember that you don’t define yourself by whether or not you have a boyfriend.
The good girl in this story was sentenced, for the murder of the fiancé and of her unborn child…she is serving two life sentences – with no chance of parole.
Think about it…is he worth it?
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